Coffee With Rajendra - A Conversational Psychotherapy Experience

I have been reading the book Non-Violent Communication these days. In the book, the author Marshall B. Rosenberg describes Three Stages of Emotional Development as: 1. Emotional Slavery: At this stage, one feels responsible for other people's feelings, and tries to keep others happy even if it is to detriment of his self and his needs, and feels guilty when one is unable to keep others happy. 2. Obnoxious stage: At this stage, one shifts focus to his/her own needs with high degree of disregard to rules/ethics and other people's sensitivities. 3. Emotional Liberation: At this stage, one assumes responsibility for his actions, his commitments/obligations/promises, but not for other people's feelings. Consideration of other people's sensitivities assumes importance but not at the cost of ignoring one's own emotional needs. The concept is simple yet hugely liberating. We often come across instances wherein people blame each other for causing them pain, sadness, anxiety,...

Karva chauth is a festival, celebrated by Hindu women from the Indian subcontinent, in which married women observe fast from sunrise to moonrise for the safety and longevity of their husbands. The festival cherishes the bond shared between a man and his wife. In the above statement, there are some social presumptions.  Firstly, the word husband is presumed to refer to the one person who is socially and legally sanctioned with the status of 'husband' to his 'wife'. In practice however, 'husband' is often not a person but a 'role'. The 'role' of 'husband' signifies certain rights and obligations or duties, in the relationship he has with his wife. These duties include, but are not limited to, committing to - provide physical safety and security from any dangers, share household, societal, and financial responsibilities, provide safe avenue for intimate expression of the self such as emotional and sexual expression. In lieu of these duties, ...

When we call something an idea, instead of calling it a thing, we reduce the seriousness attached to it. We reduce its status from that of a strict, inviolable code to that of a guidebook which is to be used only for reference and not to be taken literally. Too much seriousness regarding any moral code pushes society to oscillate between extremes instead of finding a balance. The idea of freedom has evolved and refined itself, passing, on its way, through struggles and tests, all of which have only added to the embellishment of this idea. Freedom means different things to people from different cultures. A particular kind of freedom which I want to write about today is - the freedom to fulfil responsibilities. When it comes to individual rights vs. social responsibilities, the narrative we often come across is that the right to freedom is empowering upto a point, but too much freedom to the individual pulls the individual away from his responsibilities towards society. I believe that th...

In chapter 10 - Rules and Agreements in the book More Than Two by Franklin Veaux and Eve Rickart, the concept of Rules and Agreements in relationships is beautifully explained. This article is based on that chapter.  "Rules, agreement and boundaries are all, at their core, mechanisms for changing behaviour. The differences are in how these different things go about doing it, what assumptions they make, how they are created, and whom they apply to." "Agreements involve all parties. Agreements are negotiated codes of conduct established among people who are involved with each other. An agreement is a covenant negotiated by all the parties it affects. Agreements also allow for renegotiation by any of the people they affect. An agreement that does not permit renegotiation is more like a rule. An agreement that is binding on people who did not negotiate it is a rule. Even when the negotiations include all parties, you must still take care to make the negotiations equitable fo...