On Karwa Chauth
Karva chauth is a festival, celebrated by Hindu women from the Indian subcontinent, in which married women observe fast from sunrise to moonrise for the safety and longevity of their husbands. The festival cherishes the bond shared between a man and his wife.
In the above statement, there are some social presumptions.
Firstly, the word husband is presumed to refer to the one person who is socially and legally sanctioned with the status of 'husband' to his 'wife'. In practice however, 'husband' is often not a person but a 'role'. The 'role' of 'husband' signifies certain rights and obligations or duties, in the relationship he has with his wife. These duties include, but are not limited to, committing to - provide physical safety and security from any dangers, share household, societal, and financial responsibilities, provide safe avenue for intimate expression of the self such as emotional and sexual expression. In lieu of these duties, certain rights of the husband over the wife are sanctioned by the society, these rights include: the right to be exclusive romantic partner, shared rights over property, finances, life choices, etc.
Secondly, husband wife relationship is assumed to be heterosexual and limited to two people. The phrase 'a man and his wife' underpins a heteronormative form of social organisation wherein a man's romantic partner is presumed to be a 'wife'. In practice, however, a man may have a husband too.
Carrying forward the first point I highlighted above, the 'husband' is a role associated with certain duties towards the wife, in lieu of which certain rights of him over the wife are sanctioned by the heteronormative-monogamous society. The 'role' of 'husband' , in practice, is difficult to be fulfilled by one person alone. A person, of any gender, has a variety of selves or different aspects of personality which find expression in different social settings with different people. A physical person, a human body, cannot, emotionally be, his/her whole self in front of one person alone. There are parts of us, carefully protected and suppressed in presence of certain people but which find expression in front of someone else. If one cannot be his/her whole self in front of one person, how can one person provide safety and nurture to whole self of someone else. If a person has a 100 selves, maybe only 40 of them are present in front of you. Hence, your ability to nurture the whole other person is psychologically restricted.
Humans are social and emotional beings. The role and duties of 'husband' were initially limited to protecting from physical dangers such as being attacked by a wild animal, or being kidnapped or subjected to violence by other people. As these fears have reduced as we have created greater security in our modern organised society, needs of people are no more focused on food, shelter and safety, but moving towards realisation of 'Self', towards their full potential. In such emotional and psychological realm, 'Self' is more than what can be visible to one person, hence the inability of one person to fulfil all needs of someone else. Husband is a 'role' that is played by different people in different aspects in any person's life. Anyone who takes care of someone's safety, or fulfills any part of the duties traditionally prescribed to the role of husband, is his/her husband to that extent.
I derive safety, security and nurture from many people in my life. My sisters, my friends, my parents, they all add to my emotional safety, and nurture diffeent aspects of my 'self'. I am a pampering parent-like figure in front of some, a responsibility taking adult in front of some, carefree and reckless in front of someone else. Different aspects of my being came alive in presence of different people and they find sustenance and nurture in different companies. In that sense, all of these people are husbands to different parts of my being. I see 'husband' as a role, played in different capacities by different people. Romanticism is non-essential component of in the role of a husband, what we feel is not in our control. What is essential, however, is a sense of belongingness, a commitment of sharing life challenges and helping each other out in realisation of their full potential and contribute to creating a joyful and meaningful life for all.
My best wishes to all for Karva Chauth. I pray for safety and longevity for life of anyone, any stranger, known, unknown, friend, or foe, anyone who has ever played any part of the role of 'husband' in my life by helping me in any way.
