On Moving On

It sounds relieving - to hear a friend say that they have moved on - from a breakup or from some painful experience. We feel a sense of assurance - that our loved one - has come to more sane terms with life when he is not in the grip of overwhelming emotions or stressful situations, and looks more prepared to take rational and practical decisions in his/her life ahead.

But, does moving on really solve the problem?

When we move on from something, we emotionally distance ourselves from it. Attachment is reduced and exposure to associated triggers no longer evokes our emotions to intensity we used to experienced before. We were in the middle of a muddy lake from where no horizon was visible, and now we are resting at a bank from where we are able to look at the reality with a more wholistic perspective. We have either solved the problem that was causing the pain, or we have developed numbness, or we have just become master at censorship - carefully ignoring certain parts of ourselves which, sadly, couldn't be reconciled with the rest of our being. 

How did we get into the situation we were in? Was it a failure of our defenses, an error of judgement? Or, were we driven by some need which is still unfulfilled and which has the potential to take us to a similar situation again? Moving on will be an exercise in futility if we end up in a similar situation once again, only to move on, once again.

Moving on is a process that needs to be accompanied by a simultaneous process of Emotional Healing, with the help of therapy - with friends, books, experiences, self-introspection, rest or with the help of a trained psychotherapist. 

People who move on without healing carry trauma along with them and end up causing pain to themselves and others in their future relationships. Issues buried as back as from one's childhood continue to impact their life in more negative ways than they are often aware of. We should, in good time, learn to see the trauma we are carrying within us, so that we may spare another soul from becoming an unintentional victim of our emotional violence.

We can, for a temporary period, take anti-depressant pills, distance ourselves from certain people and groups, request compassion from our loved ones, censor certain category of thoughts and make our friends aware of these censorships, so as to create a secure space for ourselves to exhale without worry. However, the process of healing eventually requires therapy in its various forms. 

Therapy reconciles certain parts of our self to our whole self so that we can be more wholly alive and live more fulfilled life without having to spend energy in suppressing parts of our being. Therapy shows us a hopeful path and tells that losing our faith in humanity isn't necessary to lead a clear and practical life; we can live lovingly, with fulfilment, and it can be very practical.