On Sex
Sex has meant different things in different times, in different cultures, to different people. Its utility varying from procreation to belongingness.
Let's look at it from two extremes of the Conflict world-view and the Cooperation world-view.
From a perspective of power dynamics, humans are deeply power hungry, and are attracted towards things that give them satisfaction of rising in power. Power, here, is a very broad term and means our ability to pursue our wants even in the presence of a resistance - including our ability to control our environment, to change the room temperature.
From this perspective, sex has historically been an instrument of violence and domination (wars, slaves, rapes), and a way to satiate our egoistic need of feeling powerful. To 'fuck someone' would mean to subvert them, dominate them, or even hurt them. More subtly seen, hypergamy (anulom vivah), or marrying someone with higher social status than ourselves, is preferred in our culture and is deeply rooted in our psyche.
In love, a 'sexy partner' or attractive partner would be someone who keeps us hopeful of 'achieving', yet who is just out of our reach, who has some internal qualities, characteristics, or material possessions that we think we could have had but which we lack.
We don't feel attracted towards the one who is available to us, who is already willing to give us everything we can ask for, but someone who gives us enough hope to keep us interested yet eludes us from complete gratification. Sex, from this perspective, and for most people, would be a somewhat selfish need, and the pleasure somewhat detached from the partner's pleasure.
From a psycho-social perspective, sex is an instrument of getting assurance of our lovability and acceptance. Sex is not a physical need, it is rather an emotional need and often a proxy for our deeper needs of feeling belongingness and oneness with someone - in a way that can address our self-doubt, self-hatred and feelings of emptiness and nothingness. The tender gaze of the partner, their tolerance of our worst behaviour, and playful acceptance of our weird moves, conveys deeply to us what we mean to them - in a language that is universal and primal in nature - and that which can be understood even by those who are otherwise immune to words, logic, and reason. It makes us feel accepted in our raw, unedited, form.
Sex is then not a selfish need, the pleasure we derive is not because we have achieved or subverted someone, or that some soft tingling object rubbed against our sensual organs. Rather, the pleasure is derived from being able to make someone feel better about themselves, and deriving satisfaction from the sense that we are trusted and accepted without filter completely.
Having a healthy attitude towards sex is essential to live a more fulfilled life and to create a healthier society.
Let's look at it from two extremes of the Conflict world-view and the Cooperation world-view.
From a perspective of power dynamics, humans are deeply power hungry, and are attracted towards things that give them satisfaction of rising in power. Power, here, is a very broad term and means our ability to pursue our wants even in the presence of a resistance - including our ability to control our environment, to change the room temperature.
From this perspective, sex has historically been an instrument of violence and domination (wars, slaves, rapes), and a way to satiate our egoistic need of feeling powerful. To 'fuck someone' would mean to subvert them, dominate them, or even hurt them. More subtly seen, hypergamy (anulom vivah), or marrying someone with higher social status than ourselves, is preferred in our culture and is deeply rooted in our psyche.
In love, a 'sexy partner' or attractive partner would be someone who keeps us hopeful of 'achieving', yet who is just out of our reach, who has some internal qualities, characteristics, or material possessions that we think we could have had but which we lack.
We don't feel attracted towards the one who is available to us, who is already willing to give us everything we can ask for, but someone who gives us enough hope to keep us interested yet eludes us from complete gratification. Sex, from this perspective, and for most people, would be a somewhat selfish need, and the pleasure somewhat detached from the partner's pleasure.
From a psycho-social perspective, sex is an instrument of getting assurance of our lovability and acceptance. Sex is not a physical need, it is rather an emotional need and often a proxy for our deeper needs of feeling belongingness and oneness with someone - in a way that can address our self-doubt, self-hatred and feelings of emptiness and nothingness. The tender gaze of the partner, their tolerance of our worst behaviour, and playful acceptance of our weird moves, conveys deeply to us what we mean to them - in a language that is universal and primal in nature - and that which can be understood even by those who are otherwise immune to words, logic, and reason. It makes us feel accepted in our raw, unedited, form.
Sex is then not a selfish need, the pleasure we derive is not because we have achieved or subverted someone, or that some soft tingling object rubbed against our sensual organs. Rather, the pleasure is derived from being able to make someone feel better about themselves, and deriving satisfaction from the sense that we are trusted and accepted without filter completely.
Having a healthy attitude towards sex is essential to live a more fulfilled life and to create a healthier society.